Dancing Saves My Life

I’m a musician, but before I started on my first instrument, I was a dancer.

Admittedly, I was (and sometimes still am) a clumsy one. I move across the floor slowly and imperfectly. My body aches more than it did when I was three or seven or thirteen or eighteen. I can’t touch my toes to the back of my head like I used to. I spend more of my time in a practice room or in front of a computer than I can afford to spend in a studio.

I’m a musician, but dancing saves my life.

Continue reading Dancing Saves My Life

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I’m Launching a Patreon!

Hello, friends!

I’ve been sitting on these plans for months now, and I’m so excited to finally share them with you. Over the past year, I’ve been floored by the willingness of friends, family, peers, colleagues, and near-strangers to support my art in all its different forms. That support, whether emotional, financial, or professional, has enabled me to reach new heights and produce work I couldn’t even have conceptualized not so long ago. In just two years, I’ve put out a significant amount of work about sexual assault and rape culture. My understanding and use of extended techniques has grown, but I still enjoy mixing them in with more “normal” sounds for a new blend of timbres. I’m braver and more authentic as a performer and artist. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come during my MFA, and even though I know this is just the beginning, it’s a little crazy to believe it’s even real.

As I leave academia (at least, the student side of things) and start bringing my artmaking practices fully into the professional sphere, I’m looking for ways to not only ensure I keep creating new work but get it into the hands and headphones of people who might not always be able to see it performed live. I’ll be rolling these out as they wink into existence, and the first platform I’m adding to my creative portfolio is my Patreon page.

Those of y’all who are familiar with Patreon can skip this paragraph, but if you’re new to the platform, Patreon is a way to centralize my artistic community—artmakers and audiences alike—and for Patrons (that’s you) to receive exclusive content, early access to new releases, and other goodies related to the work I do and the topics I address. The perks are akin to what you might find on Kickstarter or Indiegogo, but the structure is more like a Walkathon (except I only walk one lap a month instead of running twenty-five in an hour). Instead of putting a bunch of money toward one big, specific project, you throw me a couple bucks every month, which helps me by giving me time to create more stuff. To put it another way, every $15 in pledges buys me another hour I can spend on music instead of working a day job (and there will be many day jobs).

Okay, now that you know how things work, I’m sure you’re wondering: what the heck (or other epithet of your choice) will you give me in return that you don’t already? Well, dear reader, you get a few things. I’m committing to running a monthly newsletter for my Patrons, which will keep you up to date on all things music; access to Patron-exclusive Q&As I’m planning to hold once or twice a year; exclusive behind-the-scenes footage, photos, and recordings of rehearsals and works-in-progress (I’m super excited about doing this, btw); extra mini-blogs and transcriptions of the Misogyny Mondays I’ve been running over on Instagram for a few weeks now; early access to new scores and recordings, including newly-available commissions; a free copy of Take What You Want; and your name in a place of honor on my website (which… you know… you’re staring at right now). You can choose one of the three subscription tiers based on what perks you want and/or what commitment works best for you, but no matter which one you pick, if you sign up by 11pm on Sunday, May 26th, I’ll create and record a little improvisation and send it to you and you alone. (I am seriously happy to do as many of these as is necessary. I will sit in front of a camera all day so y’all can have good improvs.)

On the fence, for one reason or another? That’s okay! If you’re unsure (or, like a lot of folks, are in a financial “not right now” sort of place), watch this space. The blog posts will keep coming—I’ve got an ideas list a mile long—and from time to time, I’ll drop in a snippet of something I post on my Patreon, whether it’s a post or a little behind-the-scenes action. If you see things you like, consider joining us over there. The one thing I will say is that if you’re looking for a way to support my Letters work but aren’t in a position to commission a piece, perform a work, or come see a show, this is a really great opportunity not only to contribute to the project’s continuation but to influence the topics and nuances I explore within it.

I’m really looking forward to interacting with my Patrons in a collaborative way on top of my usual creative output. If you’re interested, you can check out this little video I made about it below:

I can’t wait to see you all on Patreon! Until then, take care. ♦

that girl onstage isn’t me

Tomorrow night, I take the stage to bare a piece of my soul.

Mine, and a thousand others’.

Tomorrow night, I take the stage with a little fire in my feet and a spark in my eyes and I bring the world into a story I might’ve told a hundred times by now. I bring the world in, and I shut myself out.

You see, that girl onstage isn’t me.

Sure, she wears my face and laughs and cries like I do. She carries with her the same sense of wonder, the same reactions to old wounds made new again. She lives a story that is rich and complex and devoid of the words I’d choose to write for myself. Her experiences shape her, ever so subtly, in different ways than mine shape me. Sometimes they look the same, outwardly—she falls to the floor at all the same times that I probably would—but her motivations, her qualms, her relationship with herself is dramatically different.

Continue reading that girl onstage isn’t me

Shop’s Open: I’m Accepting Commissions for 2019 and 2020

As 2018 comes to a close, I’m spending time reflecting on some of my professional endeavors from the past year. Among the greatest joys in my musical year has been getting so many opportunities to create new works for performers and ensembles who want to add something new to their repertoire. Just this past year, I’ve had the pleasure of working with a slew of folks in three different time zones. Each collaboration has been incredibly rewarding for me, and I’m pleased to announce I’m now accepting commissions for 2019 and 2020.

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Making the Most of Good Days

As I’ve mentioned before, I have TMJ. I’ve spent longer than I’ve cared to admit trying to sleep and eat and talk and go about my day without pain or tightness, and despite my best efforts, a lot of days are tough days professionally. More often than not, playing a horn is a struggle between wanting to work toward being a better performer and wanting to keep the tension out of my body, keep myself safe, and avoid making things worse. Navigating life with my jaw is a dance between doctors and stretches and food choices and sleeping positions, and while some days are absolute crap and others are amazing, the vast majority of them are somewhere in the middle—not terrible, but not great, either.

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We Now Return to our Regularly Scheduled Posting

Hey, folks. Sorry it’s been a bit.

I really wish I’d gotten to post last weekend. I had a draft going, I was on schedule to meet my deadline, and it should have been fine, but sometimes life gets in the way. And after the absolutely nuts month I’ve had, I just needed a few days to put my head down, get a few projects off my plate (or headed in that direction), and try not to freak out.

I was mostly successful.

Continue reading We Now Return to our Regularly Scheduled Posting

I’d Like You to Meet My TMJ

I’ve debated writing this post for a long time. Not because it’s particularly controversial, but because I didn’t always know where to start. Musicians don’t like talking about injuries—so often we keep them under wraps, not wanting to get bumped down a part or looked down on by our peers and mentors, that the only time we really hear about big physical roadblocks are in whispers months after the fact. And that takes its own toll, leaving those struggling feeling like they’re in it by themselves. I’d really prefer people not feel like that, so I’m sharing a little about what I’ve spent the last couple years navigating.

Three Octobers ago, my jaw locked up. I was in the middle of a normal evening, and all of a sudden I couldn’t get it more than about a third of the way open. For twenty minutes. After some frantic Googling, a bunch of massaging, and some fervent prayer to the brass gods, it finally relaxed, but I didn’t know what to do from there. One drop-in visit to the health center later, I came back with Temporomandibular Joint Disorder (TMJD, but literally everyone shortens it to TMJ). If you want to get really colloquial, it’s lockjaw, but without the tetanus associations. While the locking up and the fatigue was new, since then I’ve realized that tension in my jaw has likely followed me since childhood, which makes it so much more fun to get rid of. [Insert eye-roll here.]

Continue reading I’d Like You to Meet My TMJ

A Concert, A Recital, A Show

I hate artist statements. I hate them with a fiery, burning passion. I’m not good at writing them and I often feel like I’m leaving out something significant in an effort to fit my creative practice into an approachable, understandable box. The fact that I’m still in school and still learning about aesthetics and sound worlds and crafting environments doesn’t help—I’ve known since undergrad that unless a project started with me, I’m very comfortable molding my sound world to fit around an instructor I’m learning from or a period of music I’m learning about at any given time. These days, that’s not exactly something I consider a skill.

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Looking Forward: My Last(ish) Year of College

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve gotten since I went to college came from Brianne Borden, and it was a simple one: set goals, no matter how far away they may seem, and keep track of them by time period. One of the first things I did my senior year of undergrad was break down a bunch of goals for the semester, the year, the next five years, and the next decade—and it really helped me maintain my focus during a hectic fall semester of grad school applications and recital planning.

This time around, I’m entering the second year of my master’s and what I somewhat hope is my final year of being a student (in academia, anyway). As I started making my goals lists, I decided I’d try to hold myself a little more accountable than otherwise and share some of them with all of you.

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Coming to Terms (TW: assault, rape)

Last week, former Olympic gymnasts and reigning NCAA champions Kyla Ross and Madison Kocian appeared on CBS This Morning after recently revealing they too were victims of Larry Nassar, who assaulted hundreds of young gymnasts under the guise of medical treatment. Ross and Kocian appeared with their coach at UCLA, Valorie Kondos Field, and the three women fielded questions about Nassar’s actions and subsequent conviction. They were articulate and composed throughout the interview, which you can watch here. Many of Ross’ and Kocian’s thoughts echoed those previously heard from their teammates (the entire 2012 Olympic squad and all but one member of the 2016 team have come forward as Nassar’s victims). Though never asked in as many words, the question lingering over the interview was unsurprising: why wait? Why not come forward earlier?

Continue reading Coming to Terms (TW: assault, rape)